before.

Ive been with my now husband since I was 16. We were married when I was twenty one and fresh out of university. I graduated 40 days before our wedding, and I spent my final year of uni saving and planning the wedding on top of the biggest assignments and projects; somehow coming out with a 2:1 and a beautiful wedding to the man of my dreams. I thank sumatriptan tablets for this as life was a constant migraine at this time. Shortly after our wedding my husband and I moved from Northern Ireland to England to pursue careers. I was extremely excited about this, a new place, new friends, new experiences, and some quality time with my husband ( away from overbearing families.)

It didn’t particularly pan out this way – as life never really does. I couldn’t find a job in my field – English lit who would’ve guessed. And so took the first full time job I could find. I struggled to make friends. Being from Northern Ireland has a certain stigma that I knew existed but didn’t think would actually effect me but it did. I never thought I had a particularly strong accent but i found myself repeating myself constantly which was so annoying. I also got the vibe that people didn’t trust me but this could just be paranoia. Things weren’t as smooth as I’d hoped but I was happy with my new husband and our beagle.

Being married at 21 is not exactly the 21st century way of doing things but it worked and is still working for me. I stress the word work – as Monica in ‘friends’ puts it “A marriage takes work. Somedays we work really hard” or something like that. I thought ‘yeah, i married young but I’m going to have all these adventures with my best friend – definitely no kids soon, we’re not really settling down.’ And so we spent our free time spending and drinking and generally living the life looking at people with kids and basking in our freedom and lie-ins. We planned holidays and career steps and other moves we might make. We enjoyed married life and the honeymoon period a bit too much; I’d always been overly cautious with my pill. Taking it at exactly the same time every day, never missing one or even being late to take it for fear of falling pregnant in education and being reduced to ‘the pregnant girl’ at school or uni. I will stress at this point – being this girl is nothing to be ashamed of. Plenty of these women are the best and most inspirational people and mothers in the world that have gone on to make wonderful lives for themselves and their kin. It is merely the judgment I wanted to avoid not the situation.

I became lax with my pill and overconfident that we wouldn’t get caught out. Then just after we put an offer in to buy a house, and booked our very late honeymoon my husband pointed out that my boobs were looking bigger. I had never had boobs, and was always jealous of my friends with them, but they were definitely bigger and felt tender too but I brushed it off as my period being on its way. What a way to guess you’re pregnant, by the size of your boobage!! My husband kept saying about me being pregnant so one day after work I bought a test to shut him up. I honestly thought it would be negative, but lo and behold I was ‘positive 3+’ (Clear Blue terminology).

I phoned my husband to work and being a chef, he didn’t answer straight away so I rang, and rang, and rang, and rang. Eventually he picked up. I didn’t even say hello; it just came out like word vomit and he was ecstatic. There began our little family. No big fuss, or fancy way of telling him (I do regret that part), just two people about to become three with no idea what the fuck to do.

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me.

Hi everyone. This is my first personal blog. I decided to make one to pour all of my thoughts into so if you want to read rants about general life, mostly surrounding my new status as a Mother then stay tuned!

I’ve decided to keep my real name anonymous because i intend to be 100% truthful in my blog instead of the put together, happy go lucky, coping, image I put out into the world most days. I want to write about the true feelings, the loneliness, the boredom of this new life that i’m slowly becoming attuned to. As many of us have done before, I’m putting pen to paper – figuratively speaking – to make sense of my own life and to hopefully look back on one day when the small details have left my mind.

I hope I haven’t given the wrong impression in my opening lines; I love my new role in life. There is no light brighter than my son. He has made what came before seem dim and grey and opened up a new meaning to my existence. I want to remember these times – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

This blog is mostly for myself but I’d love to hear from anyone else experienced the same things i will be talking about in later posts. As I mentioned before, this can be a lonely job!

So if you wish to read on – enjoy!